How Ryan Nickulas stayed grounded before, during, and after reality TV

By Karina Grudnikov

Exposay.com/Mohammed Kasim/PR Photos

Hairstylist Ryan Nickulas admits he always dreamed of appearing on television. His wish came true last fall when the West Village salon-owner appeared on the premier of “The A-List,” a new cable show that follows the glamorous lives of successful gay men in New York City.

“I always wanted to be on television,” he said. “I have no shame in that. People have told me my whole entire life that I should be on TV.”

At age 29, Nickulas became one of six men cast for “The A-list: New York,” which included includes models and modeling agent, as well as accomplished photographer Mike Ruiz and former “Amazing Race” winner Reichen Lehmkuhl. Marketed as a gay version of “The Real Housewives” (or as the advertisements put it, “Housewives … With Balls!”) the show captures the mens’ personal lives–the usual make-ups, break-ups, and hook-ups–as well as their professional experiences. After premiering in the fall of 2010, it became Logo’s second-highest watched show ever, and the network has just announced a second season.

Nickulas, now 30, has a well-deserved place on the show. Owner of namesake Ryan Darius Salon, which he opened in 2007, Nickulas is a high-end hairstylist whose clients include fashion designer Isaac Mizrahi. Originally from Massachusetts, he first moved to New York to be with then-longtime partner and now husband, Desmond Smith, whom he legally married in Provincetown, MA four years ago.

Unlike many others who enter the world of reality TV, he was successful and happily settled down long before camera crews started following him around. When a friend suggested he attend the casting call for Logo’s new show, Nickulas had no hesitation, believing that the attention would pay off personally and professionally. “You can’t buy that publicity,” he said during a recent interview in-between hair styling in his salon.

Despite the fierce competition during auditions, he sensed that he was going to make the final cut. “It was one of those gut moments that I think we’ve all had in our lives,” he said. “You know when you have the right answer, you know when you’re going to win a game. I knew the whole time.” Although, admits Nickulas, having a glamorous home to shoot in may have given him an edge over his competitors. “I think that really bumped a few boys out of the competition,” he said, “because in New York City, it is really rare to have 27,000 square feet, two terraces and an unobstructed view of Empire State Building.”

In addition to wanting to showcase his salon, Nickulas had a more personal, serious reason for wanting the reality TV platform. One of his first role models was a gay man on MTV’s “The Real World” in the early ‘90s. “I immediately thought back to Pedro Zamora and everything he did for me,” he said. “He was on ‘The Real World’ as an openly gay man, and I was 13 or 14 years old and wasn’t ready to come out of the closet.” Nickulas said that he hopes to show viewers that it’s possible to be openly gay, successful and happy. “I wanted to show that you can fall in love with a man, that you can get married, that you can plan for kids, and that you can have the audacity and strength to open a business in New York,” he said.

Much of the season’s screen time went to covering relationship drama between cast members – and on-again, off-again boyfriends – Reichen and Rodiney, and “rightfully so,” according to Nickulas. A self-described “mother hen,” Nickulas is seen consoling the men in tough situations and offering advice at every tumultuous turn. Being on reality TV, he believes, is a good way to take a good hard look at who you are. “It’s not easy to watch yourself on TV,” he said. “But for me, it’s therapeutic. I get to see my strengths and my weaknesses and it ultimately helps me become a better man.”

While Nickulas may be safe from the criticism aimed at some of the other cast members,“The A-List: New York” hasn’t escaped controversy. Many people, even among the gay community, have spoken out against the show. The Washington Post called it “a poor excuse for a social study,” as it “invites Logo’s gay and straight audiences to indulge in a spirited form of dissociative gay-bashing… The message in ‘The A-List’ is that it’s too easy for gay men to get caught up in whatever status war happens to be available.” Leonard Jacobs, former national editor of Back Stage, also judged the show’s men harshly. “They range from simpering, whimpering, catty, batty and awful to simpering, whimpering, catty, batty and awful,” he wrote on his blog, “not to mention shallow, superficial and self-adoring to a point of total vomit from viewers with any stake at all in wanting to ensure positive role models for gay men.”

A major concern has been that the show reinforces negative stereotypes about gay men. Nickulas doesn’t deny that the show portrays those qualities.  “Yes, we are catty, yes, we can be shallow, but that’s real life, sugar,” he said. “You will come across catty, backstabbing bitches every day of your life, and you have to grow a thick skin and muster through.” But even with their money, drama and Botox, the men of “The A-list” can still be influential in the gay community, said Nickulas, “Put all the bullshit aside, there’s some pretty powerful gay men on the show.”

Nickulas hasn’t completely escaped unscathed. He said he felt bullied by one writer online, who criticized Nickulas and called his marriage a “sugar daddy” situation. “He said some really nasty things about me, and my husband, and the fact that I’ve married a successful, driven man,” Nickulas said. But Nickulas responded in an unconventional way: by inviting the blogger to join him as a guest to Fashion Week event. “Instead of writing a ferocious email, which he might read, say ‘ha-ha,’ and delete, I let him get a little star struck,” said Nickulas. By letting the blogger get to know him, Nickulas felt like he was breaking down the fourth wall that separates people on TV from those who watch it. His proactive approach worked. “He wrote a thank-you note as soon as he got home,” laughed Nickulas.

Perhaps the reason why Nickulas has gone through the reality TV machine without being shredded or feeling exploited is that he was able to keep private moments private. “You’ll never see me in bed with my husband,” he said. “I’m going to give you my life and my best friend and my life and my dogs and my salon and my wellbeing. But you’re not going to see my relationships and my life, that’s mine.”

As he hoped, his business has benefitted tremendously from the exposure.  “The publicity and what it’s done for my business and the opportunities that it’s brought me – I’ve judged a few things and been invited to fabulous parties – it’s elevated my career.”

For Nickulas, the most important element is using the television show as a platform for encouraging gay voices and inspiring people who may not have found the courage to come out yet. “I get letters everyday, from kids in Hawaii, New Mexico, Milwaukee, Iowa. I have the most beautiful letters, kids asking me for help, for advice, every day,” he said.

Currently in the process of trying to have a child via a surrogate mother, Nickulas also maintains the importance of promoting gay family life, despite the complicated legal issues. “No one taught me that as a gay man why I need to hire a lawyer to protect myself,” Nickulas said.

For Nickulas, who now can’t walk down the street without being recognized, the reality TV experience has proved powerful and fulfilling. “I’ve gained a lot more friendships,” he said. And no matter how much drama the cameras captured, Nickulas feels grateful for the experience. “We’ve really gone through something together.”